My Husband Wouldn’t Let Me Take His Debit Card to the Drugstore to Pick-Up a $20 Prescription!?

Question by ising4bling: My husband wouldn’t let me take his debit card to the drugstore to pick-up a prescription!?
I just so happened to have no cash on me and couldn’t find my debit card. The drugstore was closing in 20 minutes, so I asked for his card. He said “no…how do I know how much you’ll spend on it?” I told him I would bring him a receipt, that I was tired, and would come straight back…Even though he was lying on the couch heavily into a “guy” movie, he immediately grabbed his keys and said “C’mon, lets go get it!” I was so offended by his need to monitor me picking up my own prescription I got very upset and said “forget it, I’ll get it tomorrow”. He jumped in his car, took off and picked it up, stoppping at a ATM and bringing me $ 300 along with my script. I might have thought that was very nice, but I could have easily done the same thing alone, and he could have stayed on the couch! What makes things worse is that the next day he went to a casino (which is over an hour away) with his buddies at 4 pm and returned home at almost 10 pm. He walked in kinda drunk and gave me $ 1,100. I asked him if he won it, and he said “well kinda….” Which means he lost more than he won…which is at least a 2-3 times a week occurance. Plus the drinking and driving late at night for over an hour is to me, very reckless.
I am currently looking for employment so I’ll have my own money!! But he makes me feel like a child because I have to ask him for money, yet he spends recklessly on gambling, alcohol and hotel rooms when he doesn’t feel like coming home to face me and my distress. I’m not even sure what hotel he is at most of the time, but he swears he is NOT cheating, and I have done a lot of investigating and can find no evidence of cheating. He says he just loves the peace and quiet of a hotel room. But he could have the same at home if he wasn’t always doing things to hurt me, upset me, disrespect me, and basically abandon me in every way
My question is “What woman wouldn’t be upset by this kind of behavior and treatment”? Am I being TOO SENSITIVE? (He says I am) I never know when or if he is going to be home a lot of the time, but then he’ll turn around and throw $ 1,100 at me? He works very hard as an attorney…granted! But his need for constant “control” is making me feel extremely bad about myself.
*We have no shared bank accounts. I have no access to any funds.
I have 3 children, and have not worked in years because my husband wanting me to be home. Now my children are older and the school district I worked for as a school teacher years ago has a hiring freeze..letting teachers go. I cared for my ailing father for two years, who has now died, and I am now seriously considering taking any kind of employment.

Best answer:

Answer by Bill Braskey
You should divorce him and ask him to be your attorney..

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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4 Responses to “My Husband Wouldn’t Let Me Take His Debit Card to the Drugstore to Pick-Up a $20 Prescription!?”

  • Kurt:

    Wow. Sounds like you got a real winner there. Self-esteem. Get some. Then leave the loser.

  • l8tr g8tr:

    He went with you.

    Next time – sing for the bling…

  • mmm:

    maybe he didn’t want you to know he had to transfer funds and there was no $ available?

    I cannot understand why a man would do this unless he changed his pin and didn’t want you to know it

    or he had A LOT of $ $ in their and didn’t want you to know why

  • D R:

    How long have you been out of work?

    Did you have a discussion regarding finances prior to getting married (join account/separate/join for bills only…)? Is your name on his checking/bank account if so go to the bank and get a copy of the bank statements for the last couple of months.

    I don’t think you are being too sensitive, but that is his money/account.

    Personally, considering the gambling and hotel business, regardless of what he says, something is going on and there is a problem he is hiding. That business about going to a hotel for piece and quiet is a bunch of crap!!!! Him throwing the $ 1100 at you in my opinion is out of guilt and if I were you I’d be saving saving saving that/your money in case things go south between you two, which is what it seems like and or if he has a gambling problem, you need to be able to get yourself out of there and take care of yourself.

    ****If you don’t have a shared checking account/savings and you are not earning an income, then your name (as his wife) should be on his checking, savings and if it is not it should be. I’m hope things work out for you and your marriage, but that whole gambling thing and not trusting you with his debit card really sends up a red flag for me. You really need to need to work on getting yourself some sort of security, because unfortunately marriage isn’t a sure thing and it is easier to handle and address situations when you aren’t in crisises mode.

    I think it would be in your best interest to start working if not full time at least part time or check with some staffing agencies for temp work, get out there and start networking. Just because you were teaching doesn’t mean you have to continue to. You could even tudor at a private tudoring company/school like Sylvan?. Start a savings/checking account with only your name on it for emergencies and if your husband goes on a bender about it just remind him that he didn’t seem to want you to know what was going on with his account or let you have access to it, so don’t worry about your accounts. Give him a taste of his own medicine. I get the impression he might have a big ego and is a bit of a control freak? Just the shear fact that you start working will make him nervous because that is something he doesn’t have control over and can’t monitor, I speak from personal (current) experience.