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Question by wowza-: What to do about my alcoholic uncle?!?
My uncle is diabetic and about 40, he goes out drinking at about 3 and sometimes doesn’t come home til about 5am, sometimes hes high and drunk. He expects things to be done for him when he wants it, like his dinner cooked, his washing done and ironed… And when hes drunk he gets really horrible and shouts and calls you all the names under the sun and throws stuff everywhere. Anyway the doctor said if he doesnt stop drinking he could lose his legs in 5 years, which means even more trouble for me my nan and grandad cos im at school and there in there 70’s. But my grandad runs around for him and pays about £1000 a time for his operations! its pointless and i think everythig should go to people who deserve it. Should i just let him drink himself to death cos he is horrible and abusive, or try and help even though he’s ignorant and doesnt listen. Thanks so much, sory its long! 🙂

Best answer:

Answer by Kiplin!
YOU CAN’T CHANGE HIM.

ALL you can do is help yourself!

The best thing for both him and you is for YOU to go to Al-Anon/Alateen and work to better yourself.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_anon

This is the ONLY way you can get him to take notice of your concern for him.

If YOU get your sh*t together…
If YOU get healthy…

He may just take notice before he kills himself.

I am sure there is a British version of Al-Anon/Alateen!

I’ll BRB after I search for it.

Hell… I can’t locate anything off hand but I’m sure if you use the link provided above and look at the:
See also:
Co-Dependents Anonymous
Alcoholism in family systems
List of twelve-step groups
Nar-Anon
National Association for Children of Alcoholics

You can email these groups and they will help you find an international version.

PLEASE believe me when I tell you that you CANNOT change your uncle… I know this pain first hand because I am the Daughter of an Alcoholic… My mother was a HORRIBLE person that both drank and took opiates (Pain medication for her legitimate illnesses) and I spent YEARS trying to help her…

Now that I am an adult, I have researched the “What COULD I have done different” and the consensus in the mental health and addiction community is that you CANNOT change an addict, you can only change yourself and hope that they realize that you are bettering yourself and no longer putting up with their sh*t.

My family was never able to help my mother and she took her own life when I was 16 years old.

To this day, I am still recovering from the abuse and trauma suffered at her hands.

For the sake of your own sanity, get both yourself and any other family members that want to come with in to a “Recovery” program for friends and family members of an alcoholic/addict.

Only through your own self improvement can you help your uncle.

It is WONDERFUL that you are trying… But telling HIM that what he is doing is hurtful to both himself and his family is like telling the same thing to your dog… You are talking to a wall…

If you want to hear some real-life stories of jacked up people suffering the after effects of abuse and addiction, check out a radio program called “LoveLine”.

You can’t get it over seas on the radio but you can download the episodes for free through iTunes and download them here: http://isohunt.com/torrent_details/18138719/Loveline?tab=summary

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Alcoholism in family systems
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholism_in_family_systems
Alcoholism in family systems refers to the conditions in families that enable alcoholism, and the effects of alcoholic behavior by one or more family members on the rest of the family. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems.[1] Family members react to the alcoholic with particular behavioral patterns. They may enable the addiction to continue by shielding the addict from the negative consequences of his actions. Such behaviors are referred to as codependence. In this way, the alcoholic is said to suffer from the disease of addiction, whereas the family members suffer from the disease of codependence.[2][3]

Alcoholism is one of the leading causes of family dysfunction.[4] As of 2001, there were an estimated 26.8 million children of alcoholics (COAs) in the United States, with as many as 11 million of them under than age of 18.[5] Children of addicts have an increased suicide rate and on average have total health care costs 32 percent greater than children of nonalcoholic families.[5][6]

Adults from alcoholic families experience higher levels of state and trait anxiety and lower levels of differentiation of self than adults raised in non-alcoholic families.[7] Additionally adult children of alcoholics have lower self-esteem, excessive feelings of responsibility, difficulties reaching out, higher incidence of depression, and increased likelihood of becoming alcoholics.[8]

Alcoholism does not have uniform effects on all families. The levels of dysfunction and resiliency of the non-alcoholic adults are important factors in effects on children in the family. Children of untreated alcoholics score lower on measures of family cohesion, intellectual-cultural orientation, active-recreational orientation, and independence. They have higher levels of conflict within the family, and many experience other family members as distant and non-communicative. The cumulative effect of the family dysfunction may affect the children in families with untreated alcoholics’ ability to grow in developmentally healthy ways.[9][10]
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