Your Analysis on What Is Going on With This Person…?
Question by Julia: Your analysis on what is going on with this person…?
What are your thoughts re: this person…
-Meet him when I was 17, he was 22.
-Been together for 25 years (not married b/c they are a gay couple).
-Did pretty much everything he did…hooked on drugs, found God, went to church, no more drugs…if he did it, I did it. I no longer go to church…it’s more his thing. I use tired from working as an excuse.
– Was physically abused by him when we were on drugs, but I held on. He is a good man now.
– I don’t see enough of him since I work evenings, but we do spend weekends together (they live together)
– I complain a lot and am covetous of others success. I loathe my job and get jealous when coworkers go on vacation.
Best answer:
Answer by nicepuddin
You seem like you are co-dependent and have pretty low self-esteem. You also possibly have a ‘love’ addiction.
“Codependence is a pattern of detrimental, behavioral interactions within a dysfunctional relationship which is regarded as an emotional disorder, and by some as a psychological disease. In the relationship, the codependent person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition, such as drug addiction. The codependent’s life gets more and more out of hand and at the end, they might become as sick as the one they are codependent on. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependence]
Signs and Characteristics of Love Addiction:
* Lack of nurturing and attention when young
* Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
* Compartmentalization of relationships from other areas of life
* Outer facade of “having it all together” to hide internal disintegration
* Mistake intensity for intimacy (drama driven relationships)
* Hidden Pain
* Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at any cost
* Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
* Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
* Depressed
* Highly manipulative and controlling of others
* Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, on a par with food and water
* Sense of worthlessness without a relationship or partner
* Feelings that a relationship makes one whole, or more of a man or woman
* Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior
* Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
* Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
* Insatiable appetite in area of difficulty (sex, love or attachment / need.)
* Using others, sex & relationships to alter mood or relieve emotional pain
* Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
* Driven, desperate, frantic personality
* Confusion of sexual attraction with love (“Love” at first sight.)
* Tendency to trade sexual activity for “love” or attachment
* Existence of a secret “double life”
* Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
* Defining out-of-control behavior as normal
* Defining “wants” as “needs”
* Tendency to leave one relationship for another. (Inability to be without a relationship.)
* Attempts to replace lost relationships with a new one immediately
Many of these symptoms are also elements of codependency and intimacy dsyfunctions resulting from childhood abandonment, emotional and / or sexual abuse. For this reason treatment and therapy for Love Addiction often includes trauma recovery work. [http://www.recovery-man.com/loveaddict.htm]
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