Is There a Wrong Reason to Want a Baby?
Question by Hattie: Is there a wrong reason to want a baby?
After many years of substance abuse, I finally made the decision to get sober. I wanted to get the education and career every American tries for, and on my own, I have successfully stayed sober for 10 weeks. (and counting)
Unfortunately, I recently found out that I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant. Thank goodness I’ve been clean for the sake of the fetus.. here’s the scary but real truth I’m facing now:
I seriously feel like, from the addict’s culture where kids get forgotten by their parents or taken by social services, “Why would I be the exception? What would make me the ‘good’ mother?” especially when I don’t even want this baby to begin with. I used a condom when I conceived, as I always do.
I don’t feel any want for the child growing in me. I feel disappointment and anger. On the other hand, the baby’s father DOES want the child desperately. For all the wrong reasons, in my opinion. Upon learning that he was got me pregnant he was excited: still, he has not made any effort to look for work, find a place to live, or come up with a decent plan that doesn’t involve a job or a home. He talks about how nice having the extra food benefits and “free” help and services from the state will be. He makes jokes about how social services will come looking for him. Basically he views a baby as a “free pass” for everything: the state will now fund his life fully, he will be busy raising a child instead of needing a job, since I don’t want the baby he’ll just get to live off my child support, and as so many in the drug culture know- the best drugs get sent to your house by the drug task force around the time they take your kids away. Meaning now he has kids that can get taken….
I’m 24 and my parents are thrilled to be grandparents- they offered to raise my baby while I go to school, but I don’t know how to tell them, “thanks, but I wont want a 4 year old version of the baby I didn’t want”. There’s a difference between mama and grandma, and if my parents were to have custody they’d miss out on that grandparent/grandbaby relationship.
I feel selfish (rightly so, I’m sure) for not wanting the responsibility of a baby. At the same time, I feel like if I give custody to the father, he will just be collecting child support off me until the baby gets neglected or taken. If I give custody to my mother, she will abandon me for the baby who will hate me for abandoning it. I just want the baby to be adopted into a family that wants to extend more opportunity for success and happiness than is available around me. I don’t want it, but it’s still mine to try and grow normal and healthy. Should I stop thinking about having this baby adopted, since it has family willing to take it in? Is it wrong of me to think that an adopted family would have better reasons/means for raising this baby?
Any thoughts, abortion is not an option, thank you for reading 😀
Best answer:
Answer by kiddo235
Yes, there are wrong reasons for wanting a baby. It sounds like the baby’s father has most of them covered (the only one I would add would be to keep a relationship together…never a good idea)
I agree that your mother shouldn’t raise the baby. There is too much of that as it is. You obviously are not ready (you said so yourself) to raise a child. My suggestion is to look into adoption. Your mother will be upset at first (and maybe for a while) but should eventually come around and see that it is for the best for everyone involved.
Good luck.
EDIT: Worst case scenario, many states have an abandonment clause. You can leave a child (I believe up to the age of 2 but don’t hold me to that age. I know you can with a newborn) at any hospital, fire station, police station, church with no repercussions. You wouldn’t have to give them any information, just say that you don’t want the child and walk away
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